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Love Notes – Emera and Marcus – Married 30 Years (part 3)

by | Oct 18, 2017 | Love Notes | 2 comments

Can you recognize your life partner when you’ve had very little life experience?  Check out part three of Emera and Marcus’ story and let me know what you think. Read part one of their story here and part two of their story here.

Published on Wednesdays, Love Notes interviews – with people married 20 years or longer – inspire us about what’s possible and capture a realistic picture of what it takes to make love last a lifetime.

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Emera is a Sisterlocks consultant and former professional dancer.  Marcus is an experienced Hollywood Stuntman.

The challenges and the benefits

Ms. Finks: You’ve been married 30 years now?

Emera: Yes, it was 30 years August 8.

Ms. Finks: What do you enjoy most about being married?

Emera: The companionship, the security, someone there in your corner when you need them.  We enjoy each other’s company.  We laugh, we’re silly.  We can be around each other and not even say anything and still enjoy each other’s company.  Just being in each other’s presence.  I enjoy that.

And support.  He’s very supportive no matter what I want to do.  It could be anything.  He would never go “that doesn’t make sense.”  He’d say “well, you know, if you see the benefit in it…” If he doesn’t see the benefit, he’ll stay, “You know, go ahead and do your thing, Emera.  I got you.”  So, love that.

I can go and come, have girlfriends, male friends, not a problem.  We give each other that room.  And he knows when I don’t want to be bothered.

Ms. Finks: (laughter)

Emera: He knows.  At one time he was able to tell when I used to get my cycle.

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Ms. Finks: (laughter)

Emera: Then he could tell.  But now he’s got it down to a science.  That was a tell-tale sign right there.  I would always be a little irritable or whatever.  But, um, yeah.

Ms. Finks: (laughter)

Emera: A little tmi.

Ms. Finks: (laughter).  No, not at all.  So what are some of the most challenging things about being married?

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Love Notes - Make Love Last a Lifetime. relationship success, relationship tips, marriage success.

Emera: Raising children.  When they’re still adults and still live at home.

Ms. Finks: Oh, sure.  (laughter)

Emera: We were on the same page up until just after high school.  He’s very like “Ah, it’s time for them to go.”  And I’m like “Oh, they’re not ready!  This one doesn’t have a job.  This one is still figuring out…  How can we just tell them to go?  Go where?”

Ms. Finks: And he’s like “they’re adults.  It’s time to go.”

Emera: Yeah.  He’s like “You’re spoon feeding them.”  And I’m like “I know, but they need a solid foundation.  We don’t want them leaving and then have to come right back.”  I don’t want to deal with that.  So, yeah.  That part is challenging.  That’s probably about it.

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Ms. Finks: What are the keys to making your relationship last 30 years?

Emera: Friends first.  Trust.  Communication definitely.  I could be big on… “What’s wrong?”  “Oh, nothing.  I’m good.”  Meanwhile, knowing darn well I got something on my mind.  You know.  So, that’s something I had to work on early on, is that.  I can be quite to myself.  I can keep things in and just work through it.  But in a relationship, you shouldn’t do that.  Because things fester.

But yeah, trust, communication, breathing room.

Ms. Finks: I’ve done three of these interviews, including you, and that’s the one thing that I hear consistently, the breathing room.  People say it different ways.  Some have said knowing when to give space and when to pull closer.

Emera: Right.

Ms. Finks: It’s very interesting.

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Emera: I think that’s really, really important.  Because then you don’t feel like all you’re doing is living for this other person or trying to accommodate this other person.  You have your time, your space. So, yeah.

And also, too, earlier on, I traveled a lot.  When I was still performing, I was on the road a lot.  So, we had long distance in between.  We spoke almost every night, and whenever he could come out and see me, depending on what state, or country – because I was out of the country a couple times, so he wasn’t going to just come out for the weekend.

Ms. Finks: (laughter)

Emera: We worked through that real smoothly, which was nice.  A lot of people, that can really weaken a relationship.  But I think we started off knowing boundaries, knowing…he knew already what I was into.  He wasn’t going to try to change that because now we’re together.  And the same for him.

Ms. Finks: How long into your marriage were you performing?

Emera: We got married in ’87.  Until ’91.  But I was still on the road, even while we were dating.  I realized that if I stayed on the road, we’d never start a family.  So, I kind of hung up my dance shoes and start a family.  By then we were already in our thirties.  Ok, time to settle down a little bit.  I knew that when I did that, I was going to be done with performing and being on the road because by that point I was burned out.  I was getting really burned out.

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Love Notes - Make Love Last a Lifetime

Although I know some people who have children and take their kids on the road with them, there’s no way.  That lifestyle and living out of suitcases and just not having that consistency and stability with a baby, or young people.  Just doesn’t work out.  And I’m performing at night and sleeping half the day because I’m exhausted.  And you only have one day off.  You’re doing ten shows a week with one day off.

Ms. Finks: That’s quite a schedule for a single person.

Emera:  Yeah, it is.  But when you’re doing what you enjoy and you love and you’re making money…

Ms. Finks: (laughter)

Emera: You know.  And I was still living at home.  Both Marcus and I were still living at home when we got married.

Ms. Finks: Oh, really?!

Emera: Yeah.  We never lived together before that.  We got married at 26 and that’s when we moved out.

Ms. Finks: Oh, wow.  Is that sort of customary in your culture?

Emera: Yeah, yeah.  And that’s not something that I did on purpose.  But, I couldn’t afford to do it before, and I didn’t want to do it before.  I knew we were engaged.  I knew we were going to get married.  I wanted that process to be something we did together.  And save money and all that stuff.

Ms. Finks: Anything else you would share about being married successfully for so long?

Emera: Respect.  Respect each other’s feelings, ideas.  I would have to say respect.  It’s really a couple of things.  But, you know, the respect, the communication, wiggle room.

Ms. Finks:  Thank you!  This has been wonderful.

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If you enjoyed this post, check out some of the other Love Notes interviews on the site, and become an Intimate Explorations VIP to receive exclusive content, discounts, and five percent off at ToyLadyT’s Adult Toy Emporium.  If you’re looking to strengthen the bond between you and increase your level of intimacy, check out Gettin’ Physical to increase your confidence and creativity in and out of the bedroom!

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2 Comments

  1. GiGi Eats Celebrities

    I love love love that they’ve been going strong for 30 years!! It’s such a feat. We only read about divorces these days, which makes me believe there are far more divorces than happy marriages in this world these days!! I like to think it’s the other way around and Emera and Marcus help me do that! 🙂

    Reply
    • Ms. Finks

      Gigi! I so appreciate your enthusiasm. It’s part of why I do this series. We need to understand what’s possible – that happy lasting marriages do exist – but also what it takes. Thank you so much for reading their story. 😍

      Reply

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Hi there!  I’m Tanya Finks.  I help people date intentionally, build collaborative romantic partnerships, and foster fulfilling physical intimacy.  I’m happily coupled, I’m a staunch believer in vacation, and I love anything crime drama, all things Shonda Rhimes, and everything superhero.


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