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Love Notes – Katy and Steve – Married 40+ Years – The Wedding

by | Nov 15, 2017 | Love Notes | 0 comments

How does a college romance turn into 40 years of marriage?  Check out part two of Katy and Steve’s story to find out how.  You can check out part one here.

Published on Wednesdays, Love Notes interviews – with people married 20 years or longer – inspire us about what’s possible and capture a realistic picture of what it takes to make love last a lifetime.

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The Wedding

Katy: We were married in Colorado in the mountains outside.  We spent many, many days trying to find a place to get married, whether it was in a church or outside.  We finally decided on outside.  We found a place, and it’s hysterical because we went back years ago.  We didn’t…we just thought it was open space, which it might have been at that time.  We didn’t think, “Is this someone’s property?”

Anyway, then all of a sudden all these cars started pulling up.  It was a real pretty place.  It was on a little rocky, kind of…there was pasture and then there was a little rocky edge and we got married there.  Most people made it.  Some people couldn’t find it.  (laughter)

Ms. Finks: (laughter)

Katy: His best man being…he finally found it.  But it was outside on April 1, 1974.  And in Colorado, April 1 outside can be pretty iffy.  But we lucked out.  But it just kept getting darker and darker, and we were waiting for the best man.  And finally he pulls up, you know, and in the meantime, the sun was going down…and the wind was picking up and everybody was starting to get really cold out there.

And then we had our reception in a little French restaurant, and it was called La Chaumière.  Several years ago when we started going back to Colorado and looking around, we decided we’d go check it out.  And sadly, it was no longer there.  The building was there, but it was all boarded up and vacant.  So we went and peaked in the windows.  We never could really quite find the place where we got married.  A few places that we thought it might have been had since become…there were signs, like ‘no trespassing’ and they were fenced off.  We were like ‘whoops, maybe we got married on somebody’s private property.’

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Ms. Finks: What was your favorite thing about your wedding?

Katy: I liked getting married outside.  It was like a 6pm wedding, and I like that time of day, and we agreed on that.  All my family came out, much to their chagrin.  It was a long way and they were all from Chicago.  I think my mom, I still think about it, she wanted the big proper wedding back where we grew up and to have all of her friends.  And I was just not…I never did it.

So they all came out, did their best.  It was a casual wedding, and I liked the French flavor of it.  All of the food was very unique, and everybody talked about it and how unique it was.  Today it wouldn’t have been such a thing, but then, you know, it was quite different and French, and there were little things to eat.

Then the next day it snowed.  So we made it just in time.

Ms. Finks:  So you had a small wedding, then?

Katy:  It was pretty small.  I don’t know.  Maybe fifty-something people.  I guess that’s pretty small compared to some.  I would say around 50, give or take.  We had a lot of our college friends at the time and their spouses or significant others, and my family and his family and some family friends that lived in Colorado.  I would say around 50 is a good number.

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Ms. Finks: As a girl growing up, did you have fantasies about weddings?

Katy:  I did not.

Ms. Finks: (laughter)

Katy: Which might explain why that happened.  I just never did.  The other thing, I was pretty young.  I didn’t feel young at the time, I was 23.  And Steve was a ripe old 25.  He was like an old guy.  That’s when people got married.

We graduated.  And then…Steve actually wanted to get married right away or before we graduated, even.  And I was like, ‘no.  Not gonna do it.’  So we finished school, graduated in December of 1972.  So then we waited until 1974 to get married.

So, no not really.  No fantasies about weddings or getting married.

Ms. Finks: And you guys do not have children?

Katy: We do not.

Ms. Finks: Not to get too personal, but was that a difficult decision?

Katy: It was not particularly a decision.  I had been on the birth control pills, and then I went off the pills a little before 30.  That was around the time, give or take, that we were planning to move out to California and working, both of us.  I went off the pills thinking something was going to happen, and nothing happened.  And then time went on, and then we had a few tests, and then we moved out here.  And in those days, it was practically a dirty word to talk about infertility.  It wasn’t like it is today where it’s just all over the place.

We had to find a doctor.  We didn’t know anybody out here.  We found some doctor, what seemed like forever away for us.  Very inconvenient.  Steve was working night and day.  I was semi new in my job at that time.  And we were trying to fit in these doctor’s appointments, which are really torturous things.

Ms. Finks: Yeah, from personal experience, yes.

Katy: The tests at that time all came out not good.  It was going to cost a fortune, and what are the chances.  We just didn’t do it.  It wasn’t worth it to me.  I figure it is what it is, we’ll do other things.  I just didn’t feel like I could go through all that.  And Steve was not like ‘oh, we have to have a kid.’  Neither one of us were, particularly.  So that’s how that all happened.  It hasn’t really, I don’t think, affected our marriage in particular.  I think it’s affected our lives, I guess now that we’re even older, we have no heirs.  What are we going to do with all of our fortune?   Our zillions of dollars.  (laughter)

Ms. Finks: (laughter)

Katy: And just, you know, other people retiring and enjoying their grandkids and going here and there to visit the family and holidays and stuff.  We’ve probably fared better than others.  I feel for the people who really, really wanted kids and tried their best, maybe they did, maybe they didn’t.  I just feel like for us it didn’t happen, and we’ve been relatively ok. It’s not like we talk about it or have big traumas over it.  It’s part of life, you know?  You go on, and you do what you do.

Ms. Finks: As you know, I tried for a while and I was thankful that, with or without, I was going to be happy.  I have a good life, a life that I enjoy.  It wasn’t going to break me if I didn’t have children.

Katy: Well, I think that’s…what else can you do?  After a while there’s nothing you can do about it.  And you enjoy other people and other people’s children.

Ms. Finks: And your freedom. (laughter)

Katy: Yeah.  Precisely.  Yeah. You get a dog, you know.  (laughter)

Check back next week for the conclusion of their story.

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Thanks so much for stopping by!  I hope to see you again soon!!

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Hi there!  I’m Tanya Finks.  I help people date intentionally, build collaborative romantic partnerships, and foster fulfilling physical intimacy.  I’m happily coupled, I’m a staunch believer in vacation, and I love anything crime drama, all things Shonda Rhimes, and everything superhero.


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